I’m so sorry

Hello you, I love you. 

I’m so sorry. 
You, the love of my life, the calm oasis, the funny, clever, safe and beautiful father of our beautiful baby. 
I’m so sorry for what I do to you. 
I’m sorry for trying to take the baby from you when she cries. I’m sorry for doubting your measuring skills and emptying the bottle to do it again. I’m sorry for snapping at you when you held the baby when she is asleep, I’m just jealous. I’m sorry for joining in with your mum when she clucks around you and picks on you. I’m sorry that the midwife didn’t talk to you, and I’m sorry they asked me about your ethnicity in front of you, I should have said something. I’m sorry I made that appointment with the health visitor at a time you can’t make. Im sorry that I expected you to read my mind when i was tired. I’m sorry I keep pushing the pushchair. I’m sorry I keep asking you if you want me to have her. 
You are doing nothing wrong, I am. 
I can’t imagine how much this has all hurt you,  I have seen it change your confidence with our baby and it breaks my heart that I did this. 
I am so sorry, this is not what I want. 
 
I feel conditioned. I will try harder. Put the kettle on and lets have a cuddle. I love you x 
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